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This week in one of our community discussions, the topic of Shadow Work came up. I have been sitting in curiosity with this concept and thinking about our willingness to go into the dark, and there are some new insights that have come through that I want to share.
My first TEDx talk was on shadow work as I encouraged people to be willing to explore the hidden darkness within. At that time, I saw incredible value in relaxing in to all the parts of me (including those that seemed less lovable) rather than engaging in the spiritual bypass approach I was seeing in the self-help and spiritual communities I belonged to.
It seemed like psychology was doing all the heavy lifting of looking inside and healing intergenerational pain while the spiritual folks were having all the fun (including unicorns, rainbows, butterflies, love and light, and all the shiny things!)
And then, during my mental health crisis, I was exposed to shadow work in spiritual communities, where people seemed mesmerized by all the awfulness of the human psyche. They gleefully explored all things taboo, throwing out all the rules and jumping from one tortured experience to another with barely any space in between the highs and lows to make sense of it all.
What I have been shown over the last few years is that both philosophies and their ensuing interventions are flawed.
Worshipping the darkness of the trauma trenches may feel juicy and alive, but it misses the mark. Whether it's with our therapist or our energy healer, we end up on a constant search to unearth the next reason we are unhealed and misaligned, finding yet another way to explain why our personal and collective world is in shambles.
The brain is designed to solve problems, and we know from the research that when it runs out of problems it will actually create new problems to solve!
I have seen this play out with my therapy clients.
Once they get through the layers and levels of their own personal healing, they can become fascinated with past lives or generational work, and suddenly they are missing the present moment and marinating in stories that validate their suffering.
Just understanding the pain doesn't actually heal it!
But the other extreme doesn't work either.
The new waves of personal growth that emphasize ignoring the pain and getting to goals is fundamentally flawed. On top of that, the corporate "slay-culture" we find ourselves in is based in the belief that something outside of us is going to bring a sense of happiness or contentment.
But what happens when we've hit all the goals and checked off all the boxes?
What happens when there are no more external drivers?
What happens when the good-feeling emotion runs its course and we are back with our own, limited, human self?
There must be a third way.
This third way is what this week's video is about. Check it out and leave a comment on this blog post or on the YouTube channel.
It's time for us to emerge from the old ways of engaging with our shadow parts .... the world is waiting.
Yours in The Third Way,
Dr. Saira
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