A New Take on Trauma

Last week, I put it all out there.

In this very newsletter I talked about the limitations in mainstream psychology and the need for spirituality and community to be part of the conversation about what we need for true transformation.

And then I went into the real world.

Day after day in my work with those looking for healing, I saw the on-going suffering that exists as people try to make sense of their past using the tools we have been given in psychology and mental health.

Here is the most recent framework that most of us are working from: 

All was well until you experienced trauma.

According to the thought-leaders in psychology, once you experienced trauma you got mis-aligned somehow, and the adult experience of personal growth is about healing that trauma.

Let’s dig in a little deeper here, because something isn't quite lining up.

QUESTION: When did the trauma happen?

ANSWER: In childhood.

QUESTION: How early?

ANSWER: Some say the first ten years. Some say the first five. Some say that the deepest and hardest-to-heal trauma occurred before we had access to language, so likely before the age of two. And then there’s a whole body of research around the chemical impact of a mother’s stress on the developing fetus.

So basically, this tells us that trauma could have started at the moment of biological conception.

Want to make it even more complicated?

Enter inter-generational trauma.

Okay, so now they have discovered that trauma can be passed along from generation to generation even when stories of “that bad thing that happened” aren’t shared explicitly in the family system. 

Great-grandchildren of trauma-survivors can be triggered into biological stress responses that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with their own lived experiences! Even having no immediate personal experiences of trauma in your own life is not a protective mechanism against this complicated, hungry, nuanced monster called inter-generational trauma.

Sounds to me like we are doomed.

According to Dr. Gabor Mate, trauma is inevitable in modern human societies because the way we live now is not how our small-tribe-hunter-gatherer-brains-and-bodies are designed. He suggests that society itself needs to be questioned, and even wrote a lengthy treatise on this in his newest book The Myth of Normal.

Here's where it all breaks down for me as a Transpersonal Therapist.

When discussing trauma, NO ONE seems to be asking the question of who we were BEFORE the trauma.

Because if the trauma started when I was a collection of cells in my mother's uterus or maybe even generations before I was born, where is the starting line? What is the state I am trying to return to as I heal my trauma?

I am sure I am not the only one asking this question.

The premise of trauma the way we discuss it today is fundamentally flawed, because we are assuming that the mind-body-mechanism is the reality of who we are.

I am here to remind you (like I said in last week's newsletter) that we are much more than carbon-based machines who can think.

We are eternal, inter-connected, spiritual beings engaging in a temporary, time-limited experience of a three-dimensional material reality that we interpret through the filters of the brain and body. 

This three-dimensional material reality is not the only reality we can access, however. 

This morning, during one of our Meetups in The Expansion Project Community, we accessed a different reality. I talk more about the teaching session in this week's video.

Now, it's a bit involved and I might use some technical terms here, but stay with me, k?

First, we did a simple process to get into alignment with who we really are... eternal, inter-connected, spiritual beings. (NOTE: This is something most group teaching sessions in the personal growth and wellness space decidedly do NOT begin with!)

We then did a closed-eye exercise where we collapsed time by bringing a younger part into this present moment. We were able to give a wounded inner child from the past a new way to understand the well-intentioned-but-misguided parenting they received during a particular exchange during childhood.

Here's where it gets a bit technical....

What we did is a pretty standard exercise in 1:1 talk therapy for trauma-processing:

1. Re-visit a past trauma in the context of a caring, therapeutic relationship.
2. Bring in the safety that was missing at the time through real-time connection with the Other, visualization, and/or body-based experiencing.
3. Re-author the story to allow a new perspective on what happened.

This simple, evidence-informed process helps create a new emotional link to the story, therefore removing some of the psychological "charge" when the story is recalled in the future. Engaging in this exercise allows the person to begin building a relationship with wounded parts from the past and helping them heal.

The problem is that people can do this process several times with a qualified professional and still not feel like that wound is fully healed. They still tell their life stories in the same old ways.

So while the symptom is temporarily managed, transformational healing has NOT occured.

This morning, we did something extra, something that's not at all taught in the mainstream universities to budding therapists. It's not even whispered about in circles of seasoned professionals.

We looked at the scenario through the lens of energy.

Rather than focusing on the personalities in the room, we conjured the energetic imprint of each of the players, allowing the personality stuff to fall away so we could get to the Essence or Higher Self of each of the parents and the child.

And when all that personality stuff falls away, what we come to see is that we are made of more than just skin and bone and stories. We are made of Love.

And I don't mean the grasping, yearning, co-dependent love that heart-wrenching radio songs are made of.

I mean Love with a capital L...

.....that all-encompassing, ever-present, fiercely tireless Source-Energy-Love that is always available to us, no matter what our circumstances, behaviours, or beliefs.

This morning, we answered the question: "Who was I (and who were they) BEFORE the trauma?"

We were spiritual beings supported by Love. And we still are.

So yes, many of us are still clearing pain from our childhoods as we take this journey of expansion.

But I believe we can do it with more grace and magic than we have been promised through the traditional channels of healing.

I believe we don't need to identify and ruminate on every hard story to find relief from the pain of the past.

I believe we can heal our childhood wounds without bypass or blame.

I believe we can acknowledge the impact of what happened and simply refuse to vibrate at the frequency of shame, hatred, and/or guilt for one moment longer. 

I believe we can see what's there, make room for it, and allow it to transform.

I believe we can truly know and experience ourselves in a deeper, more profound, and more lasting way than we were taught.

Now THAT is true transformational healing.

Are you with me?

Yours in The New Wave of Trauma-Transformers,

Dr. Saira

P.S. If you have not had a chance to read last week’s newsletter, you must! It is a hallmark piece that chronicles the issues with mainstream psychology and how to bring true transformation for all.